Overwhelmed

Today has been...a day. I do not know quite how to explain what today has been, because quite frankly I'm not too sure myself. I do know a few things about it, my strange, unexpected and inexplicable happiness of the last month or so has come to an end. I don't feel like myself, this was even strangely personified when I looked at myself in the mirror and actually didn't seem to recognise myself. It sounds ludicrous but it happened. I looked, knowing I was seeing myself, but had an odd feeling of unknowing.

Today has been a cascade of emotion, of feeling and it has been overwhelming at times. Why? I suspect I will never know, I have felt lower than I do today, but never quite as overwhelmed and emotional. I am not sure if it's related, but I have also had an extended period of feeling very lucid. By that I mean being hyper aware of everything and I do mean everything. Every sound, every touch, every sight. Every. Thing. It further added to my feeling of being overwhelmed, or perhaps was part of it, I don't know. But every thing I have done since the feeling began has seemed far more important than I know it to be, simple acts sudden feel too much to handle, I had to take a moment, I was leaving a room, I put my hand out to push down the handle, but I stopped, somehow I felt I had to prepare myself for going through the door. I simply leaned against the door and stood there almost coming to tears. Even then it seemed strange, yet somehow worthy, I don't know.

I wish I knew what has brought all this on, I don't know if it would help. I just wish I knew. I feel like crying, alot. I hold back the tears, I think there should always be a reason for tears, however small or seemingly insignificant. I would take any reason at this point, but no reason at all isn't mem and I'm struggling to feel like me.

My mind tells me this will pass, perhaps in a hour, a day, maybe longer, but it tells me it will pass. The emotion of it all tells me otherwise, it would have me believe this feeling, or these feelings, whatever it all is, is here to stay. The logical part of me knows that the former is true, the emotional part of me knows that the latter is true. Which to believe?

I don't think there's anything else I can say on this, I'm writing this all partly to see if it helps any to vent it and also partly to look back on at some point. Perhaps I will have some insight then.