The Non Awaited Return

Well, I certainly let this blog fall to the wayside, I had grand plans to post at least once a week. But as I'd always thought, I really didn't feel motivated, and also didn't have alot to talk about.

Things have changed, not much, but enough to motivate me. I don't care if no one but me sees this, as it's a great little tool to empty my head, it's odd how many things go through your head on a day, that you don't think are worth sharing. I think this blog is going to be a combination of those thoughts, and a semi document of events in my life, as mundane or seemingly insignificant as they may be.

Recent changes, or perhaps just change, I have a job, working in a shop. I really never wanted this sort of job, perhaps naively I expected myself to go onto great things right away, or at least something I little more 'important'. Six months of not even a job interview certainly shows you a thing or two. So here I am, part time job, still nothing else to do. Well I may now argue with that last point.

The last few weeks (perhaps even over a month, time is so warped in my head of late) have seen some drastic changes in my mind set. I was telling one friend of how for the last while, despite the fact nothing has changed all that much (this was even before the job), I was feeling very very happy. It was/is a strange sensation, happiness for no reason, I wasn't aware it could really happen. It's dipped once or twice, but this was more down to others being down or bringing me down than my own doing as it once was. I felt I should question it, but then I was scared if I questioned it, that it may falter. I've tried to figure out the reason for this strange and sudden feeling, but as yet I am still unaware, I am quite thankful for it though.

YouTube, it's become more than I ever thought or intended it to be. It has introduced me to people I never could have imagined meeting, wonderful and amazing people. To think I very nearly didn't post any videos, oh how different things could've been. I have made more than a few friends I hope to keep for years to come, and perhaps even one day meet in person. I at first thought it odd that I had become such fast friends with some, but really I shouldn't have, talking for hours and hours a day is the explanation for that. You don't usually get to do that with new people you meet.

My nights are now filled with MSN and Stickam chats with these great people, it probably should be tedious by now, but it really isn't. I do feel guilt that I've slightly neglected some friends by chatting with these new ones, but I have tried my best to rectify this lately.

Which brings me to the next bit of news, writing. I have actually started pushing myself to do it. Even managing to get my friend and writing partner to do the same. It's a large undertaking, but I am at least motivated now, I'm not sure why, but I am. The idea of creating something now fills me with a strange feeling of wonder and happiness, and I like it. I hope it remains, because I want it to be one of the constants in my life from now on.

This blog too, is part of my renewed motivation to write. Fiction and non-fiction are just as much fun for me, and just doing this now is alot more enjoyable than one might expect. I suddenly feel I'm being overly formal, but then again, this is what I want to write and how I want to write it, so why should I even care?

Well I think that'll do for now, I shall now laze about for a half hour before work. Maybe even write another entry tonight, who knows. Even if I don't get one in tonight, I will get one sooner than the last, which was many months ago.